end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
