someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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