Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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