He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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