Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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