so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
