things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
