what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
