oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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