If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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