Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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