she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
