It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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