I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
