she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
