you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
