my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
