I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
