No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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