I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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