In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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