theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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