I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
