How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
