Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
