The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
