Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
