Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
