I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
