Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
