Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
