we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
