Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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