weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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