He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
