Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
