So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
