I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
