but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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