Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
