he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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