whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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