Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
