I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
