I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
