I hope mine doesn't look like that
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
