I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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