meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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