Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
