a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
No subtext here. People are naked.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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