Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
of course. lets lasso hookers.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
