It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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