This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
