You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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