I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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