their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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