The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
