...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We are all done wearing pants today
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
