I miss the smell of you or some shit.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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