walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Randomize