Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Randomize
