I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
