my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize