if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He better not be in your backpack
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
