She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
