we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize