You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need a beard to bite.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
