Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
