I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
