just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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