just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
