Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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