what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
