Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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