he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize