He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
