it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
